06 August 2008

When did your feelings became mine too?

Today, I was at the top of a beautiful city, gazing down the city through the eyes of the clouds. Enjoying an ice cold beer when I descended, nothing in the world could change the way I felt at the moment in time: relaxed, free-spirited and calm. But I was wrong...

One mobile message has caused my mind to run again and worry lines to appear on my face. "He who shall not be named" has messaged after another day of vanishing act, I should be quite used to it by now but my heart still skips a beat when I see his message appear on my mobile phone. The chime from the message has brought me good news, this is what I though whenever I got one of his message. I should be happy that he messaged but why did the worry lines appear? That was because he lost something at a station, something that made him sad... and it seems that my heart was no longer mine when I felt sad too, was my heart shadowing his? When did that happened? When did I become one of those girls who could not control her emotions? When did I become so weak? Am I in love?

Now all I could think was whether there was a way I could retrieve what he lost, the beautiful scenery seems oblivious to me, and all I wanted to do was to find a solution for him. And I did, I cut short my plans for the day of sightseeing the city, a city that I have been to for the first time. But sightseeing seems so small compared to putting my solution into action. So I raced back to the hotel, went through the entire list of colleagues who were at the station that he lost his item. To my dismay, none of the colleagues' names look familiar. So I had to go through all my good friends in the same line who could possibly know one of them, and from there, I would be able to ask one of them to check with the hotel whether they found his item. It may seems silly as I have no idea which room he stayed in when he left his item behind. One would ask why I have no idea which room he stayed in, well, I did asked, just that he did not answer me. Maybe he felt that I would not be much of a help anyway.

One by one, I went through my friends. Every hope seems to be dashed by a pool of ice water... Feeling stubborn, I glanced at the list again and found one name that linger in my memory, I checked her name against my past list of working colleagues, I worked with her before! Now for the number, how can I get hold of her number to ask her the favor, through some means, I managed to grab her of the number and messaged her while still asking around for my friends to do the same.

It was noon when I got his news, and now its almost midnight, I was still keeping awake and waiting for someone to respond. I may not be able to find the misplaced item, but at least I tried... he would never know that I tried hard for him, it is sad but the truth. Wish me luck!

03 August 2008

Lost.. Today I am..

Lost.. That was the only feeling I had for the entire day. Have you ever felt scared for no reason, as if the whole world has abandoned and you are ALONE. I absolutely and utterly hate that feeling, that kind of loneliness just hit you like a wave and it seems that the whole world is still revolving but you... you have stopped and let that emotion tear you down, the fear has conquered your entire being.

Well, I have found some solutions to lessen that fear, stay close to the people you love for the entire day or do as much things as you can to keep yourself occupied, not letting your mind wonder anywhere else beyond your field of reach. But today, "my solutions" have failed me, being emotionally and physically drained... I wasn't ready for the uphill battle with my fear and not receiving any news from that someone made it only worse. It was a battle that I was bound to lose and I did... miserably...

Now here I am, typing every word, hoping that in another minute, my spirit will be able to lift itself out of the black hole and let me feel me again...