What would you do on a Christmas Eve?

On Christmas Eve, I would like to stay away from alcohol, stay away from clubs and stay home with a plate of freshly baked chocolate cookies dipped in the creamiest vanilla ice-cream, watching home movies with my love ones.

Maybe I should resign to the fate of going to a match-making agency, maybe it is not that bad and not that embarrassing to admit to the fact that I can't find myself a life partner. This is one resolution that I have to make: to find a decent boyfriend next year! (I must be the only one with such resolution)

Christmas is a time to love?

After watching so many Christmas movies, year after year, one cannot help but think that Christmas is indeed the season to love, a season to spread love, a season to fall in love and a season to declare your love. How true is it that when you confess your admiration for someone during Christmas, the probability of getting rejected is lower because it is a season to love.

Well, I have never tried it before, it is not that I do not want to try but rather I have no one to try on and I am pretty gutless in certain situations, especially in the situations of love. Maybe one day there will be a time when I need such luck on this particular season of love.

Will you do it?

I Carry Your Heart With Me

I carry your heart with me

(I carry it in my heart)

I am never without it

(anyway I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done

by only me is your doing, my darling)

I fear

no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)

I want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud 

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows

higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart

E. E. Cummings

One Art

The art of losing isn't hard to master;

so many things seem filled with the intent

to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster

of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.

The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster;

places, and names, and where it was you meant

to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or

next-to-last, of three loved houses went.

The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,

some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.

I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture

I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident 

the art of losing's not too hard to master

though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

By Elizabeth Bishop

What if he doesn't like me?

He says: "When I like somebody, I make sure they know it. Life is too short to live it any other way."

She says: "What if he doesn't like me back?"

He says: "Be an idiot..."

Did I shave too much?

Little pieces of you get chipped away by another person.

And then, you shave little pieces of yourself away,

so that you will fit together.

And one day, you looked up.

You don't even know who you are.

I ROAR!

The contest is a lie and fight.

So chin up, pull your shoulders back, walk proud, strut a little.

Don't lick your wounds, celebrate them.

The scars you bear are a sign of a competitor.

You're in a lion fight.

Just because you didn't win, doesn't mean you don't know how to roar.

Sleeping like you.. and this made me miss you

After taking on the direct flight to New York and Los Angeles, I realized I have started to sleep more and more wasn't a couple hours but rather a day. Every time I find myself sleeping too much, it reminds me of what I used to say to you, about how much you love to sleep and how it amazes me that a human can sleep so much. 

And you used to wonder why I rarely slept when I was with you, it wasn't that I didn't needed the rest or sleep but I would rather spent my waking moments with you since we rarely saw one another...

I grew up to be someone who finds it almost impossible to sleep next to another human being but once in a blue moon, I was able to fall asleep next to the very someone, not anyone... The reason why? I can't tell either, maybe my heart and mind agreed at the same point of time and that made it possible. You were one of them, sometimes, I wonder if you were the first for that to happen. Now it is over, would I ever find the next?

Where the Heart Is

"When we meet, a bond between us is born for the first time.

Our hearts aren't inside our bodies.

When we think of something, or care about someone, 

that is where our hearts are born.

If you were the only person in the entire world, 

then your heart wouldn't be anywhere. "

Long Island Tea

Went to Zouk last night, had a couple of wine, a couple of shots, a couple of long island teas and I am gone. Long island tea always never fail to make me regret my actions the next morning. The thumping of the head and churning of the stomach makes me hate long island tea even more. It is the potion to get the "high" feeling fast. But for today, I regretted, tomorrow is the run and here I am feeling the after effects. So loads of water today and hopefully by night, I will be done. 

Will I be running with a hangover tomorrow morning?

Sleepless nights

Not being able to fall asleep is one of my worst nightmare. I simply can't put it in words how irritated I get when I lay in bed and nothing happens. My mind seems to be so occupied that I am unable to drift into a peaceful sleep. Nothing really beats the despair of not being able to fall asleep and letting time sleep by each minute, and knowingly know that you will be in trouble the very next morning. 

And you don't have to wonder why I am blabbering in the middle of the night, I am having one of those dreadful nights where sleep seems so unattainable. I would gladly be knocked out by a punch now to gain that hour of peaceful and undisturbed sleep.

So who will do the honor?

26th December 2008

Although I was a little hurt yesterday by my buddy's "rather have lunch with Rich than hang out with me" scenario. But I can't stop feeling excited about the post-Christmas dinner at her place and of course her coming back to Singapore! No matter what happened, I still miss her very very much because she is a big part of my life! And nothing can change that fact!

Thinking about buying groceries together and having fun cooking makes me feel warm inside, it has been a long time since I had a fun in a big group. I guess that was the reason why I was attracted to him, because he hangs out in group too, and it seems so right and so "in place".

Is it possible to find a place for everyone in the world today?

Stress, Excitement! Will I make a gain or loss?

At 1700 today, for the first time, I bought in shares through my broker, wanted to do online trading but was not confident enough. My heart is heavy but yet excited. Heavy with worry that my share price would dropped and my heart will give way too but feeling excited about the profit that I will make too!

For tonight, it will be a sleepless night!

A little hurt

This morning as I arrived back from Paris, my mind was filled with thoughts on how I should go about changing my schedule to include Melbourne the very next day. I was delighted when I managed to find someone who was willing to make a swap but this happiness was quenched with a splash of cold water when buddy did not really seem to welcome my visit to Melbourne. I could sense her hesitation in wanting me to be around on that particular day. I kept wondering about why was that so since she always welcome my visits with great anticipation and excitement. Moreover, I was giving up my off days to pop over to sort of celebrate her belated birthday and it was kind of a disappointing vibe I got from her... Finally, I knew why, she was having lunch with Mr. Rich. I guess I have to settle as being cast aside for the time being. I could understand why she rather have lunch with him than hang out with me but it did not make me feel better anyway so I cancelled the trip there.

This is ME

Don't wanna lose

Don't wanna cry

'Cuz I wanna keep laughing

Sleeping spread out as always, more and more

Just reading manga, flippin' pages

The inscription by my side: funny & easy

Wanna live life easy

"Life is a journey, so travel together and help each other out"

Underneath the sun, smilin' every day

Being kind to others, and also to yourself

When you're gonna do it, follow through

For real?

Okay then, follow me

Is it okay to believe?

Whether it's believing or anything else, you never know until you try

Or is it only that you wanna laugh with those who believe?

I wanna try my hand once at this game called life

Until you start to move, you're going nowhere!

Don't wanna lose

Don't wanna cry

'Cuz I wanna keep laughing

I am BLEEDING!

When most people say: " I am bleeding..." in a sorrowful way, one would think of the heart first but please oh please, my finger is the one suffering now thanks to my own clumsiness and stupidity. I was shutting the windows to turn on my air-conditioning when I slammed the sliding window into my wedding finger. At first, I thought it was just going to be another bruise but no! Part of the flesh was sliced off, hanging on... merely with the help of a thin, pathetic, soon-to-be-dying skin. And it started to hurt more by the minute. Why do this have to befall on me? I remember my childhood was full of falling-overs, tripping myself over everything that was in my way, knocking on every corners available, walking into any wall... etc. I wonder...

When will I ever learn to protect myself?

Money on credit is free?!?

In Paris when this friend of mine staying in London came by for a visit. We had dinner and when the cheque came, he used his American Express Gold card, so out of curiosity, I asked him why use the credit card when he had the cash to pay for the bill. He said that he had US$35,000 on credit and it felt like free money and asked me if I would like to spend some money for him which I flatly rejected.

Isn't credit money still money? And it is bloody 35,000 bucks!

Cherishing life is not an embarrassment

Life is indeed short, so it is not an embarrassment to want to cherish it and live life to the fullest. And recently, I find myself doing that, learning sports, trying food, reading books, drinking cocktails that I have never tried before.

When can one say that he or she has live to the fullest? From my point of view, only the person knows it. So for me, I have so much more I want to do and learn. Do you?