own meals

last three weeks, i was barely eating at all...

now, i am eating like crazy, i can't stop even when i feel the additional weight piling on me. usually, i am really weight conscious, but for some reason, i didn't care. ... i do care, but everything look so tempting and i was always looking forward to the next meal, thinking of where i should lunch or dine overseas, always thinking of new recipes to try out. oh god, this has to stop before i reach a point of no return, with the bulging stomach and heavy thighs, how many crunches and laps to get rid of those!

but wait, you wouldn't fault me after looking at these... in addition to all my cakes and pastries =)

chicken sausages with garlic coupled with asparagus and mashed potatoes

grilled beef on a bed of caesar salad with bacon bits and marinate dressing

Today's MTVS

Love the song and the MV, was looking for an MV that was clear, found one that was quite clear but it has some wordings but nevertheless, enjoyable!

She deserve the award, we know that, don't we? =)

finally, someone understands...

"So what, they are getting together, they handle it the wrong way, it's no big deal... I guess..."

That is what people have been telling me, people who can say that just shows that they have never been placed in such situation before and I doubt they will be saying the same thing if it ever happens to them...

One day, this guy friend of mine was asking me how I was getting along and he felt that something was wrong and I was surprised that I revealed some stuff to him and what amazed me what that he managed to piece all my emotions into words, into words that I could not make out myself.

He replied: "I know why you are upset."

And I was thinking, yeah yeah, another one that pretends to know what it was like.

"You lost your friends."

"Not to someone else."

"But to... each other."

I paused, no one has told me that, no one has tried to understand the reasoning behind why I was upset, if he was with me, I would have hugged him and cried.

I have lost the right to talk, to gossip, to laugh about one party to the other, I have lost the freedom of actions, speech, thoughts and behavior around these two people.

Take this for an instant, when I met up with L. in Los Angeles, he told me that he was returning to Sin and I told him H. has already me so. And he said he would like to have told me the piece of news himself. I will never be able to discover the joy, happiness, sadness and all kinds of emotions first-hand because they would be giving me news on behalf of one another and I hate that.

These few weeks, I tried to push them out of my life, to compress them into such a small tiny little block of memory that I hope would disappear into one of my millions of blood cells, never to be seen again, but this tiny block seems to block my arteries all the time, making it hard to breathe.

Then I realized, I was more forgiving towards one compared to the other, I knew why... One left a bruise, the other left a deep cut which never seem to heal, instead the wound got infected and became worse, I was starting to hate this person no matter how hard I tried in preventing that from happening, I kept telling myself that it was so immature to do that, I can dislike but not hate, because hate would put bitterness into me, and I didn't want to become that, I want to save that cheerful optimistic self that I once was.

Whenever I though of how these 2 people are building their blocks of love while I am chiding myself everyday for what I have become, the 'hate seedlings' seems to grow. And refreshing my memory on '重色輕友' only made it worse. I need to burn the seedlings, to leave this place before it is too late (not as if I am around all the time...) I hope to find the place soon so I can leave to nurture myself and become me once more.

m.e.l.b.o.u.r.n.e

i set off for melbourne without much anticipation or excitement but i had plans. it was going to be my first time in melbourne without a companion since she was there. the early arrival into melbourne was what i needed, i needed a good scrub, out of my uniform, into my night slip and onto the bed. it was a chilly evening, as expected in melbourne.

after i washed up, i switched to my favorite australian channel - lifestyle food. there was a moment i was about to let my droopy eye lids close and drift off to sleep, for some reason, i forced myself to keep awake and that was a bad decision... have you ever missed 'the moment' to fall asleep and for the entire night, sleep never comes, that was what happened to me. and i lazed in bed, waiting for the alarm to ring, i set the alarm to ring at 11 a.m in the morning, just the right time for brunch. i wanted to head down to the nice little cafe right at the smack of the tram stop - middle park (i didn't know the name of the cafe...hah).

so as the alarm rang, i washed up and realize something was not right...

i forgot to set myalarm to the melbourne which meant it was at 1 noon that i woke up at... oh no... was the cafe closed? i had no idea how to get there nor the the name of the cafe thinking i would always have a companion in melbourne but i guess things change. so i went to the concierge and tried my best to describe the cafe to them and to my surprise, they managed to locate the cafe and found out that the closing hour was at 4 p.m, ample time for me to travel down and enjoy my lunch, not brunch due to my silly mistake. i was advised to hop on the tram 112 or 96.

when i got to the tram stop, 112 was right in front of me, lucky me, i thought. got onto to the tram and simply forgotten that only coins can be used, and i had like 5 bucks in coins which wasn't enough for a daily full fare zonal 1 bus card... so... i quickly pressed onto the concessional button for students and prayed that my glasses would helped to conceal my age... if possible =p

so i listened to my ipod, not knowing that this tram was not going to bring me to my destination... the tram stopped at st.kildas, did i miss the stop? hmm, i asked the conductor and she told me that it was better if i caught tram 96 across the street and that was what i did, as i got onto tram 96, one stop, two stop, okay, am i still in zone 1? as i was deciding to hop off and asked for further directions, the small little cafe appeared in my sight, yes!

i gleefully hopped off the tram and skipped into the cafe, smell of pancakes and warm coffee filled my entire being, ahhh, i am finally here. i settled for the seat facing the tennis court, like the last time, looked through the menu and discovered new choices, nice... i like trying new things. after much deliberation, i was struggling between the triple pancakes drizzled with belgium chocolate, sprinkled with roasted hazelnuts and topped with vanilla bean mascarpone or the organic poached eggs with smoked salmon and spinach on sourdough bread with cucumber, shallots and dill dressing. my stomach was starting to growl, i had to make a decision, poached eggs with salmon it is, and a cup of chai tea. why did i choose poached eggs with salmon? because i could make the triple pancakes myself, with the same toppings and all =)

when my order came, it looks good, more than good, it was great, i couldn't wait to dive in. as the folk sinked into the poached eggs, and out flow the yellow yolk onto the sourdough bread, i broke off part of the bread, dipped it into the yolk and into my mouth, the warm and creamy yolk matched perfectly with the sourdough bread which was toasted and the bread was full of surprise itself, it was full of grains and pine nuts, delish! the smoked salmon went well with the spinach and dill dressing which i tried to make out what was in it - cucumber, onions, dill which was visible, and from the taste, there should be lemon, olive oil, sea salt and a tinge of pepper, it was a refreshing contrast to the creaminess of the yolk. i have to say it was a big portion for me but nevertheless, i finished every single item on the plate. i was filled to the brim...

with happiness...

p.s - photos taken with my blackberry phone, but i like the way it came out

a chocolate cake that i bake for the old man

just pictures for now, i am high on cough medicine at this moment, am feeling the drowsiness which i hope will last for a long time, please keep me in lalaland =)

missing

i kept losing things this few days, always glancing around to make sure that i didn't leave anything behind, being sick the last 2 weeks must have put the strain on me and the non-stop coughing was killing me. but i finally realize, i didn't lose things, i lost a part of me... that was what i was looking for all the time.

i was missing a part of myself, missing the part that laughed and smiled so much in melbourne, i was missing someone, someone that i shut out totally, in order to keep me from losing myself but in the end, i still lost a part of the puzzle.

*humming* (to the songs - break me out and how to save a life) i need to find the person who can cut out the missing puzzle piece, to replace the piece that was destroyed. i am looking, i am finding, i am waiting, i am searching... for you (can you hear me? please come along soon...)

someone

i spoke today, to someone i was determine to ignore, for some reason, i felt it was cruel to ignore and in fact, i didn't want to do that, maybe i wanted to end things the right way or maybe i wanted to salvage something...

someone felt that i didn't want to understand, wanted to distant myself, and someone was silly to me. maybe it was true that i tried to distant myself, but i did understood someone, maybe not enough, but would it change things if i did, would things turn out differently if i had understood more. someone was not silly, someone was innocent, a kind of innocence that i wish i had. someone said i did not like that kind of innocence, how did someone know? did i crush the innocence of someone so badly?

i am sorry if i did, i didn't meant to, and will never again. someone was part of my life, but i shaved off that part of me. someone was sad to let go of what we built, i was sad too but showing it would only have made it harder.

someone must understand that time will fade things, but somethings can never be faded. happiness and sadness can be created through someone's hands, i was supposed to let someone know at my own time, but does someone know that i was waiting too...

PERTH

the weather was weird in perth, it was spring, but the wind was blowing very strongly, the palm trees were swaying heavily from side to side as i looked out from my hotel window. but i had a good time in perth. this was thanks to daphne's sister, denise, she is a veterinary student at the murdoch university in perth. after speaking to her, i was amazed that she knew she wanted to be a veterinarian when she was just 17 years old and made an effort to intern at veterinary clinic before leaving for perth itself. this really did inspired me, and now, i am even more determine to pursue my dreams =)

upon arriving in perth in the morning, i had a nap while my hair was still wet, that was a bad decision, and i woke up with a minor headache to add on to my cough which was getting worse by the day. as i didn't had any food the night before, my stomach was growling, so i headed to this japanese place, nagoya, and had the teriyaki chicken, it was all right, no complains. denise called and told me that her lessons were cut short and she could bring me around in her car, hooray!

i was glad that she could meet up with me in the afternoon and it was great that she had a car because the weather was unpredictable, raining one minute and sunny the next. i found out that whenever we decided to step out of the car, it rained, maybe we were on the 'black list' that day... but nevertheless, i was excited to visit her school, she brought me round the veterinary hospital, i patted a sedated horse and met some of her friends, wandering the school made me miss school life, the carefree days of studying.

we headed to an area where there were terrace houses along the river, and the size of some of these houses were unbelievably... huge... we passed some shops and found one shop that sold some cute and unique stuff, and i was delighted to find an old-school sugar container and a cupcake holder, what made it better... the stuff were on a 50% discount, i wanted to see more, but the lady was closing the shop soon... what a disappointment, i hope to go back again before the shops closes down.

next, we went to a premium super market where i got my pastry dough and some other stuff, denise was pondering whether to get the pistachio and cherry nougat, i could see that she was really tempted to get it but she didn't as she was worried that she would finish the whole bar in a day =)

we headed to a korean restaurant for dinner, had spicy tofu and seafood soup, kimchi and pork bibimbab and a zucchini pancake, it was my first time tasting zucchini, i enjoyed the food but i was quite filled from having the beer-battered wedges and chai latte at tea earlier on. so i didn't manage to eat much =(

ohh yes, the chai latte! denise brought me to this cafe where chai latte was one of the most popular beverage and it was absolutely delicious, so much so that i bought a can of chai tea powder back, i can't wait to try it at home, the beer-battered wedges was really crispy and great too. hmm, maybe i will try making the wedges too when i get back.

it was a really great day and i shall be looking forward to more perth instead of melbourne trips now. thanks denise!

mount fuji

mount fuji, that was my plan last year, but for some reason, i didn't manage to hike up this mountain... well, for this year, it's well past the season for hiking at mount fuji so i will be sure to make plans for this hiking trip next year which means i do have to make changes to my annual leave.

some people love traveling but hate the process of finding information about the place itself, but for me, i totally enjoy that, so this post will be continuously updated to remind myself of my plans!

20th September 2009 Sunday

- Made up my mind to hike Mount Fuji

the no flour no fuss chocolate cake

this is one my favorite chocolate cake, once you have tried baking this, you will never turn back, it is a dense chocolate cake that fills your mouth with the true taste of cocoa, if you love bitter chocolate, this is definitely your kind of cake! the best thing about this cake - no flour no fuss, it takes barely an hour from mixing to baking to having it right on your taste buds.

no flour no fuss chocolate cake:

200g bittersweet chocolate

200g unsalted butter

200g caster sugar

4 eggs

1 tbsp flour

1. melt butter and bittersweet chocolate using the bain-marie method

2. combine sugar into mixture once the chocolate and butter has completely melted

3. set aside to cool for a little while

4. mix in the eggs one by one, making sure that each egg is completely combine into the mixture before adding the next one

5. add in the flour and fold it into the mixture

6. preheat oven at 180 degree celsius

7. bake for 30 minutes, turn the oven off and leave the cake in the oven for another 10 minutes

8. remove the cake from oven and let it cool

usually you would let the cake cool completely but being impatient, i tend to

eat it while it is still warm, i love the taste of chocolate cakes when it is still warm and it is absolutely delicious with vanilla ice cream!

i made some variations to the recipe above, i used chocolate with 100% cocoa

content instead of the usual 70%, reduced the sugar to 150g and if you prefer to have a gooey texture, you can reduce the baking time.

even if you are totally an idiot at baking like how i am with road directions, this cake will never fail you =p

break me out

i love this song but can't find the original music video, but this one is not bad, done up by joni4me.

Tarty-Tart

this is my first... first time baking a tart, i was a little worried but very excited as i love tarts especially strawberry tarts! i remember when i was a small little girl, my 'little' aunt, no, i don't mean physically little but we called her that as she was the youngest aunt we had, it's a direct translation to english on how we address her in teo-chew, she loves buying me tarts, especially the strawberry and fruit tarts from deli-france and i never get tired of them, so it's a challenge to bake something i enjoy, i wouldn't want to leave any bad memories with my beloved tarts =)

well, i have to say it turn out quite decent, though the tart crust was not as soft as i would like to be, but it was good on the first attempt. i brought the tarts to my brother's place and totally forgotten about the delicious cream which i did spent quite some time on until i was on my way in a cab... so i had to make do with another cream that i whipped up at their place, it was okay but not as good i have to say.

i was glad that they enjoyed the tarts although the 'tempura-frying' part of the evening was like a war-zone, trying to shield ourselves with the saucepan cover from all the splattering oil, i was the one and only wounded soldier, with 2-cm long burn scar smacked right in the middle of my wrist, i wish it would go away soon, i hate scars...

till the next 'bake-me-a-tart' day, i am gonna try to bake something new almost everyday!

Are you my people?

There were three people standing across the room, waiting for an old lady to die. They were all waiting for her to die so they could resume their lives, they have been doing this for three years, each time they though it was her last, her heart would beat again, they weren't her children but her nephews and niece.

The doctor attending to the old lady was angry at such behavior and chased them out of the room. The old lady woke up and the doctor told her gently that she is a fighter and he had chased her family out to give her some peace. But she whispered:

"No... they are impatient, it's been a long time. "

"But they always come."

"They are my people."

"People keep you going, people are better than no people."

And I think that is very true, people are better than no people, no matter who they are...

Family Dinner

My brother is on annual leave today so he invited our family to his place to spend the day, he must be scared of loneliness *chuckles*

Well, I like the idea anyway, my mum asked me to think of something for lunch and dinner later, so I racked my brain and came up with the menus.

For lunch, I was thinking of beef, since my sis-in-law doesn't take beef but my brother loves it, so it will be a good time to satisfy his cravings.

Lunch

Shepherd's Pie

Dinner

Prawn and Vegetables Tempura

Beef or Potato Salad

Soup (My mum gets to decide)

Char-Roasted Ribs

Sir-Fry Broccoli with Garlic

Strawberry Tarts

I think this is a good list, was hoping to get all the prep work done at home so we don't have to mess up their place later. Hmmm, peeling and mashing of potatoes, stir-frying of beef, layering of the pie, so all we need to do is pop it in the oven later at my bro's place.

For dinner, seems too early to do the prep work, but maybe marinating the ribs first is a good idea, and the strawberry tarts have been made, just ensemble of the tart itself. I am looking forward because Tiger gets to tag along, yay! I love it when he can join us on such outings, makes it a real family outing =)

I am looking forward... *hums*

LIGHTER

this morning, i woke up earlier than usual. logged onto msn and found someone whom i have not spoken for a long long time, so i pinged him and he replied. we spoke, found out how one another was doing and i find myself chuckling to some of the stuff he told me, and i realize, i do miss this person. maybe i should him to hang out soon =)

in the evening, after all the baking and cleaning, liz was online, so we chatted. and of course i do miss her because i have not met up with her for ages, she asked me if i had gone too far with my decisions, i told her maybe... but i wouldn't have walked this path if i had any other choices, i couldn't let myself become someone i am not, someone that i couldn't accept...

she told me that i didn't have to draw the line so clearly, maybe being normal friends would be better. i though... it seems like a downgrade... a sad downgrade. whatever, what done is done, i have used a thick marker pen while drawing the line, it would take ages to erase that.

anyway, the chatting with both of them made my heart a little lighter and airier, thank you guys, looking forward to the next chat!

the cutest aircraft safety video

my sis-in-law sent me a link, it was an aircraft safety video, at first, i thought what could be so different about this one...

it made you smile, didn't it?

=)

T.H.A.N.K.S

It has been a hard week, harder than I would expect but many things made it better... My supervisor, Stuart, and the team was great, I couldn't imagine having to work with an overbearing and awful team when I was feeling low. Stuart was funny and warm, losing my voice did nothing to stop me from laughing out loud at his jokes. Thinking of the way he expresses himself always made me laugh.

It was comforting to know that friends and family were by my side, they might not know the story behind but they could feel that I wasn't the same cheerful self... And in their own ways, they tried to make me feel better and they did. I could see all the efforts, no matter how small it is, I kept it in my heart.

You guys are the sunshine on my rainy days.

You will see a rainbow soon.

=)

jelly

 in the midst of summer, i dream of eating cool konnyaku jelly, the sweet and cooling jelly melting and satisfying my thirst, i love konnyaku jelly for the chewy texture and for the great varieties of fruits that it can hold in its belly!

konnyaky jelly powder are easily available anywhere, just mix it with sugar, dissolve in boiling water and you have a base, you are free to add any fruits or colorings to enhance the taste or the appearance.

how.to.save.a.life

berry crumble

after sooo many depressing posts, it was time for some perking up =)

since my brother and sis-in-law is here, i thought of a delicious dessert that was and easy to make, BERRY CRUMBLE!

crumble recipe:

100g flour

1/2 tsp baking powder

50g cold butter, cut into cubes

3 tbsp demerara sugar

1. combine cold butter, baking powder and flour, rubbing the cold butter into the flour using only the top part of your fingers.

2. mix in the sugar and we have the crumble.

this crumble can be stored in your freezer for ages and used immediately whenever you need it.

for my berry crumble, i used blackberries, blueberries and strawberries that was randomly cut, mix in around a teaspoon of corn flour (depends on how much berries you are using) to thicken the mixture when it is being baked, a couple teaspoon of vanilla sugar, for me, i love to sprinkle some cinnamon powder on the mix before i cover the berries with the crumble toppings. Bake at 190 degree celsius for around half an hour or when you see the crumble top turning golden brown.

Serve it with some fresh cream or a scoop of vanilla ice-cream when it is piping hot. The coldness of the ice-cream soften the hotness of the berry crumble, it was sooo juicy, all the flavors of the berries fills your mouth, i am definitely making another one now! of course, with double scoops of vanilla ice-cream!

she is right

it was great to be home, to be in a place where you belong, as i sat on the floor to unpack all the goodies i brought back from the States, strawberries, blackberries, blueberries, kitchenaid mixer, books, chocolate, cake stand, bear mold, ramekins... my mum looked at me and patted my head, saying:

"It was a tiring flight, wasn't it?"

Without knowing, I was crying, I nodded my head, feeling the heartache taking over once again. She knew what was happening.

"People change, you cannot control how they feel. So you must learn to accept, to let go and to be independent."

"Stop crying, you have already lost your voice."

After listening, I took a long shower and snuggled in bed, I slept and slept, never wanting to wake up.

But I did, I woke up... maybe everything was just a bad dream, none of it ever took place. Reality was harsh, such memories would never fade, I should go back to lalaland, as I was about to drift off again, someone shook my shoulder... it was my mum, she was waking me up for dinner! Which meant I had slept more than ten hours, I must be really tired. My bro and sis-in-law came by too. I wanted to stay in bed, but I guess it was time to face reality and start living my life again.

Even if I was the only one under the rain cloud, even if my world was the only one that stopped spinning, I know I can pick myself up and start all over again. My mum is right... Accept and the rest has nothing to do with me.

everybody needs a fence to lean on

you can never understand

you kept saying you understood, but you are wrong...

you can never understand what it was like to be shocked, to be confused, to be scared and to be angry at the same moment in time;

you can never understand what it was like to cry all night in the toilet so that you won't wake the person sleeping next to you;

you can never understand the confusion of being left out of something important in your best friend's life;

you can never understand the sudden loss of confidence in friends and people you care for;

you can never understand what it is like to lose yourself and lose control of your emotions;

you can never understand how hard it is to try your hardest at something and fail miserably in the end;

you can never understand the helplessness in realizing that you may have to wear a mask in the future, especially to the people you care for;

you can never understand what it was like to feel guilty when you are not in the wrong;

you can never understand the pain of losing two close friends in a single day;

you can never understand the struggle within in making that decision, the urge to take back what you said, so you can keep them in your life once again;

you can never understand what it was like to cry till you lose your voice;

you can never understand how much it took to go work the next day, to face so many people, to smile even when your heart was bleeding;

you can never understand the pain of saying goodbye when you knew it was a point of no return;

you can never understand the confusion of why the world is still revolving when yours has stopped;

you can never understand what it is like to hate yourself all over again when you wake up in the morning;

you can never understand the pain of hanging up on someone when all you want to do is to listen ;

you can never understand what it was like to keeping asking yourself: why me?;

you can never understand how it was to have your happy world turn upside down in less than a month;

you can never understand because you are not the one who is alone;

you can never understand how much will it took not to let the sadness become hatred;

you can never understand because you are basking in new friends and new love;

you can never understand simply because:

you are not me...

missing home

i am missing home, very much so... all i want to do is teleport myself back home. right... as if teleportation really exist, i must be dreaming, the fever must have gone right to my brain. well, as the elders always say, if we have a fever, just work out a sweat and you will be fine. that was exactly what i did, i went to gym in the morning hoping to complete 2km on the treadmill, but i didn't even make it to 1.5km, my stamina really sux, but i did quite a number of crunches so i did perspired and amazingly, my fever did went down slightly but it was replaced by a headache... and my voice is still gone. gone meaning that i croaked when i spoke, it was way past the stage of so called 'husky'. i wanted to call in the doctor last night but i changed my mind, less actions leads to less troubles.

i can't wait to go back! to see my dog jumping up with joy with my return, to hear my mum ask if i was tired again and to feel my dad's relief - his daughter is back safe (no words though). that's why - i am missing home...

cutting strings

i tried, i really did, i kept telling myself if i tried my best, things would work out and things would be the same as before but i was wrong, maybe the wound is too deep and sometimes, trying just isn't enough...

while hanging out with a good friend today, i felt guilty whenever we had a good laugh, it was as if i was doing something wrong just by having a laugh, i find myself slipping on a mask as time passed by, and sometimes, the urge to rip it off and be myself again around this friend of mine...

i can't face my buddy in this mask, so i chose to cut the strings, to let go of the friendships of two important people in my life, or maybe i should say they were the ones who let go first, i never knew that a person could hurt so much till now, so this is how it feels to lose a friend (for me, it was friends), i just hope for the pain to go away so i can breathe again

i dun wan to be crying again when those sickening feelings come back to me and hating myself all over again for being so immature, hypocritical, narrow-minded and suddenly, all i am - an emotional wreck

i hate crying till i lose my voice, my sleep, my confidence and one day... myself

so i chose to distance myself, maybe one day, things will fall in place again

"i understand it will be awkward at first... but i believe it will be all right in the future." she told me.

thank you for having faith in me but my confidence has left me and all you see is an empty shell, the future may be for the better or for the worse, but i pray that one day our roads will cross again...

"i feel that we have distanced over the years... there seems to be a barrier." he told me.

that was because i created the barrier to protect our friendship, maybe i shouldn't have done so, i am sorry that we distanced, but now i have laid bricks to create a wall. if the wall ever cracks, maybe we will see light again...

now, i say my goodbyes, there won't be any vacation in melbourne next week, meeting up on the 23rd as promised and road trip to tasmania...

One last word, goodbye

The Oatmeal and Cranberries Cookie Recipe

this is specially for my sis-in-law who enjoyed the oatmeal and cranberries cookies, here it is:

70g rolled oats

210g soft unsalted butter

100g caster sugar

220g all-purpose flour

1 tsp baking powder

1 packet dried cranberries (add/subtract to individual's liking)

1. Preheat oven at 150 degrees celsius

2. Mix butter and sugar until it is pale and creamy

3. Add the flour, baking powder, oats and cranberries to the mixture

4. Place the firm dough in the refrigerator for about half an hour

5. Roll it into a slim cylinder shape

6. Cut the dough at intervals of half a centimeter (0.5cm)

7. Place on baking try lined with backing paper

8. Bake for 15 mins, or till the top of the cookies has a nice pale golden color

9. Remove from oven and cool

10. Enjoy!

Tips:

Add the cranberries last, this prevents the cranberries from breaking up into small pieces, I prefer it whole.

Try not to cut the dough too thick as unlike some cookie mixture, the dough will not spread out and become flatter in the heat of the oven, it maintains its shape quite well.

this is for daff! =)

New Found Love

"So... you prefer visiting the States or Europe?" many would ask.

Without hesitation...

"Europe!" I would chirped.

But now, I would think twice about saying that, having no flights to the States for the past couple of months made me realize that I do miss visiting the States. I missed...

the big portions of food usually given here with any orders (though I am never able to finish any of them =p)

the PinkBerry yoghurt I love, topped up with scoops of healthy fruits

the fact - you will never get anywhere unless you drive in Los Angeles (fortunately for me, there was always a good friend to drive me around, but he is leaving Los Angeles soon, which means I have to master driving on the left hand side or I will REALLY never get anywhere in Los Angeles in the future!)

the American accent which made me strain my ears every single time someone spoke

the wide range of books that I can find in Barnes and Nobles, and to add to that, it is only a stone's throw of the hotel that I am staying in

the bulk of fresh seasonal fruits that I can bring home (to bake tarts!)

the long hours that I can spend shopping in a big mall like Target, Costco, Albertson, Barnes and Nobles...etc

States is my new found love...

Now that I am here, I find myself lacking of time, but I am glad to be here and am hoping for a long trip to New York next month. Can you hear my prayers? =)

Well, a good friend is leaving Los Angeles soon, and he has his weekend packed with farewell breakfast, lunch and dinners. I tagged along to one of the dinner at The Boiling Crab, loving seafood, I had a good time peeling and munching the juicy shrimps which were dripping with garlic, butter and cajun spices! That is well known as - 'She-bang', the famous red sauce or seasoning, and I have to say it really hits on all the right spots in an amazing way while slurping on the sauce and peeling the shells. (I wish Ming was here, she would love this place!) That is one good restaurant that will keep me going back for more.

Oh, I had a piece of good news today, I managed to give away one of my work days, although at a certain 'price', but I was happy, it meant that I could almost five days of break! I wonder if I should shelf my original plans and just stay home to chill, hmmm, to be a light bulb or not to be, that is the question, ahahhaha. Time is running tight, and I do have to make a decision soon as there would be many things to settle if I do want to proceed with my plans, but I hate the feeling of being somewhere not needed and as we know - that is called x-tra. Think, Karen, think... I am thinking...

Oh, back to my friend who is leaving Los Angeles, he left a perfect job that he loves, a city that sheltered him for the past five years, sold the car that he just bought (at a price that made him winced every time he repeats it), in fact, I think he has left a part of himself behind. But I applaud him for having the courage to do so, how many would travel on a road of uncertainties, many of us chose to walk on a straight path, never daring to make a turn, worrying that it would bring us to a place of no return, so we chose to 'play-safe'. But I am proud to say that many of my friends are the brave ones - Ming, Jasmine, Josephine... etc. They have all chosen to open up their worlds in different ways and I salute them.

It may be a pity to leave behind all the memories here is Los Angeles, but I believe he is journeying on to something better and someone more interesting (she is interesting, pretty and kind-hearted!). And as a friend who is guilty of not asking him out when I am in Los Angeles, and sometimes lying without batting my eyelids, as he says (if I really wanna lie, he wouldn't have known, rite? heh), I am glad he is returning to the sunny island and my best friend is returning too! Yeah, now my buds list is +2 =)

Gonna try to drink more H2O today, I think I am losing my voice... and I better get back to lalaland... many errands tomorrow...

Chao

Oh yes, I miss you too, my dear friend =)

Shanghainese Red Bean Pancakes

With a tub of red bean paste in my fridge (made by Ming, she makes great tiramisu too!), Shanghainese red bean pancakes seem to be the the best way to use it. Being part of the bloodline of the Shanghainese, I guess it was only justifiable for me to know at least one dish out of my own heritage, that would certainly make my grandfather proud although he is no longer around. So I set out to find an easy recipe for the pancake batter, it has to be a thin batter in order for the pancake to be crispy. And I did find one, the batter was really easy to make, simply mix:

crispy pancake batter

120g flour

250ml water

30ml oil

1 egg

it turn out to be quite a runny batter, so if you are trying out this as well, do not panic if the batter seems kind of thin. oil a flat pan using a kitchen towel, this absorbs any extra oil, there is no need to use much as oil has already been incorporated into the batter itself. use a small medium fire, wait for the pan to heat up, scoop a spoonful of the batter and pour it into the pan, twirling the pan to spread the batter, this will create a thin crepe-like pancake, wait for the pancake to set before flipping it over, and in less than 30s, it's done. place a spoonful of the red bean onto the pancake, flatten the paste so that you can wrap it up into a rectangular shape. my advice is not to be greedy and place too much paste which i have done to a number of them of my pancakes as this may 1) cause the thin pancake to tear while wrapping, 2) it may be harder to crisp when frying later, 3) it gets kind of "jelat" which actually means there is too much of something.

i tried out 2 methods of frying the red bean pancake, pan-frying and deep-frying. personally, i prefer the deep-frying method as the pancake skin is crispy throughout but the pan-frying method is not bad too, leaving parts of the pancake soft and chewy. after frying, it is best to eat it immediately while the pancake is still hot and crispy.

as i bite into the pancake, the pancake skin splits apart due to its crispiness, spilling out the savory red bean fillings, sweetness fills my mouth and one is barley enough.

method: pan-fried

method: deep-fried

M-V-

Something to lighten up the mood!

D.R.A.I.N.E.D

from this moment on, i declare that i am emotionally drained... this couple of weeks have been an emotional turmoil for me, arguing with the company to get my annual leave back, getting upset with buddies of mine, and now, pissed off with the hair stylist. All these events has left me feeling tired, not in the physical sense, but mentally and spiritually, i am partially broken.

i need some time to heal, guess i will just rent a car for my upcoming trip to los angeles and drive to nowhere. although i have yet to drive on any public road since i passed my driving test (i did tried once, with my bro's car, and boy, did he sweat! haha). i guess i will rent it the evening and test-drive at night when there is less cars around.

i would like to drive to las vegas, try my luck in the casino, to chicago to try the deep-dish pizza pie, to cape cod to learn how to fish for clams, to Lake Tahoe... i have one more day to bid for my leave next year, and i have yet made up my mind where to go next year... well, i did narrow down my choice to three:

1. backpack in europe, definitely somewhere near belgium since i might have a good friend heading there next year

2. island hopping in korea, visiting small islands around korea instead of the main land

3. combing the whole of taiwan, from north to south

i have to make my decision soon and i have to check out the climates of these area before i can bid for the dates as i do not want to visit these places during the cold or rainy season...

and we girls - daff, ming and i have yet to decide on our yearly trip destination too, i am looking forward to this trip, maybe this time they will bring their companions and i shall have to go to a match-making agency and drag someone with me haha

i am trying hard to give away one of my work days on the 18th sept which will leave me with almost full 5 days of break to go on a mini mini trip and then attend my senior's wedding on the 20th, proceed to airport for a perth trip, maybe to a place with only a small hut surrounded by the sea, with internet connection so i can blog and a fishing rod =)

yikes, lotsa of things to do tomorrow, have to visit the another hairstylist again, stock up all my baking materials, just bought lotsa of baking equipments from sia huat today, really cheap compared to any other places... pack my bags for the trip to los angeles, check out the back-packing stuff, bid for my leave dates and many many more. at least, all these errands can be done emotion-less (is there such a word?)

for now, leave my emotions alone!

Anger

God... I am so angry, the blo*dy stylist in Je*n Y*p cut my hair short on purpose, he did on purpose just because I asked him a few additional questions, I should have known not to let that idiot touch my hair, he chopped off all my waves and when I looked in horror and said:"OH MY GOD!" He repeated that after me in a sarcastic voice and later when hahaha as if it was a big joke...

I was so pissed that I warned him to keep away from my hair... I went to the website and there was no where to make a complaint or anything... if anyone knows any place I can make a complain to or any service board that I can report about the salon, feel free to let me know!

JOURNEY

LIFE IS GREAT WHEN YOU FINALLY KNOW WHAT YOU WANT TO DO AND SET OUT TO ACHIEVE THEM.

NO MATTER HOW SMALL THE STEPS ARE, EACH STEP COUNTS.

NO MATTER HOW LONG THE JOURNEY IS, YOU WILL FIND THE SPIRIT TO GO ON.

I HAVE FOUND MY DREAM AND GOAL IN LIFE.

I WILL START MY JOURNEY NOW.

WHAT ABOUT YOURS?

New Point

Sigh... when you need to find someone, the person is never around. You would try a thousand ways to reach that person, through email, through sms, through the facebook or any kind of tricks up your sleeve... reaching only one conclusion... the person is uncontactable.

I need a break, a break from work, a break from thinking and a break from plans. When you try so hard to convince yourself that you are fine and cool about everything, it sometimes become a fact... a reality... but if the 'sometimes' becomes other wise, you find your fine-ness and cool-ness disintegrating and clamping up your nerves. That is what I am going through now... the clamping up stage. And I need to snap out of it soon and get on with life.

I wish to unlearn something, to erase some part of my memory, to go back to the past, to start all over again, to forget... But I have reach the present, the only way is the future, so I have to learn how to... wear a mask.