after weeks of thinking, i have finally made up my choice to finish what i started, it is just another year, i am sure i can make through it and in fact, make good use of it! i have just completed my jodi picoult book and now i am on her next book. i love reading her books, but am embarrassed to admit that there are some words that i came across and not knowing what they meant. so what i usually do is circle words that i need to check up the dictionary and underline words that i am not too sure of the pronunciation, in another words... okay, my english is not that good but it's not that bad either.
there was once i made a joke out of myself by pronouncing the word "satisfied" as "sextisfied", my brother and sis-in-law had a huge laugh about it and i never ever forget how important it is to pronounce a word correctly thus all the underlining and checking up of dictionary... =)
i hate waiting... for anything... especially for calls, people who say they would call but never did, waiting for messages that never comes, the sound of one's hope crushing seems to get louder with each passing hour, no one should have to bear such disappointment...
i gradually learned... that it is not blood that my parents pass down to me, but courage... the courage to smile when it hurts, the courage to climb back up when i fall, the courage to live on when everything seems to go wrong, the courage to love and be loved...
and i have learned that you could know someone forever and not see what lies beneath his/her exterior... people are not meant to be understood after all...
no matter what, life goes on...
30 March 2010
22 March 2010
What would you do?
There are times when you start thinking about a matter and the more you think about it, the more the matter matters or the worse the problem becomes and you simply can't get it out of your mind, so you end up propped up in front of the screen, twenty-four hours on the internet, hoping to find some answers online, hoping that they are the ones you are looking for. That was what happened to me, I was worried about my test after much concern from family and friends... and it really made me scared when I thought "what if" came true.
With the tension building up, it was hard to wait another second, so I called in to the clinic even though I was in United States, as if I was surprise, I was given the silent treatment at the start of the call, even when I told the lady on the line that I was overseas... and to make the matter worse, she told me rudely that the blood test was sent to an external lab which will take around a week to send the results back, right, as if i was suppose to know that. I called in as the nurse who took my blood test told me that it would be back in three to four days time. I can understand that not all the staff at the clinic are trained nurse but is it so hard to find some humanity nowadays, is it so hard to place your self in the shoes of someone who had to take a blood test after an abnormal urine test, the agony of not knowing what oneself is suffering from, a terminal illness, a devastating disease which could easily rocked the boat in her/his calm life. Is is so hard to understand the relief of people when they find out that there are nothing wrong with themselves...
As I stayed awake in San Francisco hotel, I couldn't help but made another search on the symptoms of kidney failure or damage, and the more I read through the pages, the more I am able to match up to the symptoms. I know it seems ridiculous but when you are worried and mentally unable to function soundly, everything seems to be a blur. The protein, the back ache, the waking up in the middle of the night, the increase in frequency... that is like a match of three out of five symptoms, seems like I am on the losing end eh?
Lying in bed in defeat, I thought to myself about the clear day I had in San Francisco, I wasn't in a "Let's have fun and enjoy my day here" mood but neither did I want to stay cooped up in the room. What would I do if I didn't have a chance to be here again? Have a bowl of piping hot clam chowder, crispy and hot calamari and some gigantic crabs! That would be a fabulous idea to take things off my mind... okay, I am trying to convince myself that it is a fabulous idea... at least I am trying.
Then I started thinking, if I was to die soon, there are things to be settled, things to be put in place. I need to draw up a will making sure all my hard-earned money doesn't go to the government! Haha. I need to make sure that my parents are well-looked after, of course, my dear shetland sheepdog too. Things to say to all my friends, there will be so much letters and cards, "words" that are kept in a tightly sealed jar, finally getting to know "freedom of speech" *giggles. Well, to think of it, I should have done all these much earlier not only when it is needed, hmmm, I shall place these on my "must-do"list.
Enjoy this song, pals! Especially you, Joann =)
With the tension building up, it was hard to wait another second, so I called in to the clinic even though I was in United States, as if I was surprise, I was given the silent treatment at the start of the call, even when I told the lady on the line that I was overseas... and to make the matter worse, she told me rudely that the blood test was sent to an external lab which will take around a week to send the results back, right, as if i was suppose to know that. I called in as the nurse who took my blood test told me that it would be back in three to four days time. I can understand that not all the staff at the clinic are trained nurse but is it so hard to find some humanity nowadays, is it so hard to place your self in the shoes of someone who had to take a blood test after an abnormal urine test, the agony of not knowing what oneself is suffering from, a terminal illness, a devastating disease which could easily rocked the boat in her/his calm life. Is is so hard to understand the relief of people when they find out that there are nothing wrong with themselves...
As I stayed awake in San Francisco hotel, I couldn't help but made another search on the symptoms of kidney failure or damage, and the more I read through the pages, the more I am able to match up to the symptoms. I know it seems ridiculous but when you are worried and mentally unable to function soundly, everything seems to be a blur. The protein, the back ache, the waking up in the middle of the night, the increase in frequency... that is like a match of three out of five symptoms, seems like I am on the losing end eh?
Lying in bed in defeat, I thought to myself about the clear day I had in San Francisco, I wasn't in a "Let's have fun and enjoy my day here" mood but neither did I want to stay cooped up in the room. What would I do if I didn't have a chance to be here again? Have a bowl of piping hot clam chowder, crispy and hot calamari and some gigantic crabs! That would be a fabulous idea to take things off my mind... okay, I am trying to convince myself that it is a fabulous idea... at least I am trying.
Then I started thinking, if I was to die soon, there are things to be settled, things to be put in place. I need to draw up a will making sure all my hard-earned money doesn't go to the government! Haha. I need to make sure that my parents are well-looked after, of course, my dear shetland sheepdog too. Things to say to all my friends, there will be so much letters and cards, "words" that are kept in a tightly sealed jar, finally getting to know "freedom of speech" *giggles. Well, to think of it, I should have done all these much earlier not only when it is needed, hmmm, I shall place these on my "must-do"list.
Enjoy this song, pals! Especially you, Joann =)
17 March 2010
a bad week, a good week, that's my life...
last week was bad, i missed my flight, i got caught in the rain, my laptop crashed and there goes all my important files and most of all, all my precious photos that i painstakingly took in each corner of the earth... *sigh* i though nothing could go worse and i was wrong again, i went to the clinic and for some reason, i was asked to take a urine test (yew.. i know...) there were protein and white cells in it, so it seems like i have a problem and the most serious case - kidney failure.
i was shocked but that's the worst case and i haven't had a real test yet, so it's yet to be known and i can only go for the test after my menses. i was worried but now, i am just moving on but my parents are so not moving on... i wanted to bring my mum on the japan trip but this test thingy is bogging her down so i decided that i shall go for the test tomorrow although it's not going to be that accurate but at least, it put our minds on ease. mine too, to be frank.
i had a great week too, hanging our with friends, doing some baking, re-installing my 'new' laptop, bringing my dog for walks... hopefully, i can bring him to the parks soon where he can run freely but not having a car is really a big problem, all the effort in trying to flag a cab down or calling the cab companies trying to persuade them to pick up my dog and i is so frustrating...
and i am at a crossroad, i was offered a 'provisional' post at the job i applied which mean they want me, they want me not.. hahah
well, all these makes our life interesting, don't they?
i was shocked but that's the worst case and i haven't had a real test yet, so it's yet to be known and i can only go for the test after my menses. i was worried but now, i am just moving on but my parents are so not moving on... i wanted to bring my mum on the japan trip but this test thingy is bogging her down so i decided that i shall go for the test tomorrow although it's not going to be that accurate but at least, it put our minds on ease. mine too, to be frank.
i had a great week too, hanging our with friends, doing some baking, re-installing my 'new' laptop, bringing my dog for walks... hopefully, i can bring him to the parks soon where he can run freely but not having a car is really a big problem, all the effort in trying to flag a cab down or calling the cab companies trying to persuade them to pick up my dog and i is so frustrating...
and i am at a crossroad, i was offered a 'provisional' post at the job i applied which mean they want me, they want me not.. hahah
well, all these makes our life interesting, don't they?
09 March 2010
Dear John
Find that familiar? Well, it is how we usually start our letters, especially to someone we care or love. And today, I find myself endeared to the movie I have just watched - Dear John.
It is a simple love story about a soldier who falls in love with a college student whom he got to know by rescuing her bag that had fallen into the ocean. He is a man who does not reveal much about himself, but love changes all. She is a woman who is unafraid to love, to reach out to autistic people. In two weeks, they found love but only to be torn apart by their own commitments, John had to return to the army and Savannah, back to college. Their love is continued by the numerous letters written to one another, through the letters, Savannah learns more about John and his autistic father and the reason why John's father fell in love with collecting coins.
John have to decide between re-enlisting for the army or staying behind with Savannah after the September 11 attacks. Torn between his sense of duty and love of his life, he makes the decision of re-enlisting after Savannah encourages him to do what he thinks is right. As the days passed by, John lives only to read Savannah's letters, gaining strength and hope from them. But loneliness pushed Savannah towards Tim, a man with an autistic child, Alan, whom Savannah had known for a long time. She finally writes a 'Dear John Letter', John receives the letter not knowing who the third party was. Feeling disheartened and frustrated, he burned all the letters from Savannah which were once his source of hope and life. During a mission, John was shot twice and the last person he thought of was his father which he had never been able to connect with. But upon reading the letter that he wrote to his father at his deathbed, they were able to understand and reach out to one another one last time.
John finally finds out who Savannah married, and instead of hating them. He donated the money he got out of selling his father's coin collection to them anonymously, enabling Tim who had cancer to spend his last months with Savannah and his son.
The movie had a simple plot but the chemistry between the two main characters are amazing, it brings you into their world, feeling their joy when they fell in love, the heartache of parting, their happiness of seeing one another again at the very end and feelings behind "I will see you soon...". It is one great love story...
It is a simple love story about a soldier who falls in love with a college student whom he got to know by rescuing her bag that had fallen into the ocean. He is a man who does not reveal much about himself, but love changes all. She is a woman who is unafraid to love, to reach out to autistic people. In two weeks, they found love but only to be torn apart by their own commitments, John had to return to the army and Savannah, back to college. Their love is continued by the numerous letters written to one another, through the letters, Savannah learns more about John and his autistic father and the reason why John's father fell in love with collecting coins.
John have to decide between re-enlisting for the army or staying behind with Savannah after the September 11 attacks. Torn between his sense of duty and love of his life, he makes the decision of re-enlisting after Savannah encourages him to do what he thinks is right. As the days passed by, John lives only to read Savannah's letters, gaining strength and hope from them. But loneliness pushed Savannah towards Tim, a man with an autistic child, Alan, whom Savannah had known for a long time. She finally writes a 'Dear John Letter', John receives the letter not knowing who the third party was. Feeling disheartened and frustrated, he burned all the letters from Savannah which were once his source of hope and life. During a mission, John was shot twice and the last person he thought of was his father which he had never been able to connect with. But upon reading the letter that he wrote to his father at his deathbed, they were able to understand and reach out to one another one last time.
John finally finds out who Savannah married, and instead of hating them. He donated the money he got out of selling his father's coin collection to them anonymously, enabling Tim who had cancer to spend his last months with Savannah and his son.
The movie had a simple plot but the chemistry between the two main characters are amazing, it brings you into their world, feeling their joy when they fell in love, the heartache of parting, their happiness of seeing one another again at the very end and feelings behind "I will see you soon...". It is one great love story...
05 March 2010
03 March 2010
rudeness comes in many forms
Today has been a great day... no... today was a great day till i met this friend of mine, she went to THE same church as I did when I was in junior college, just for a few months and now, we are colleagues, we rarely saw one another at work but today, as I was walking out of a shopping center in Los Angeles with another colleague, I thought I saw someone I knew, so I gave a second glance. You know when you see someone you know, you give a nod or a smile, simply a gesture to acknowledge one another, as I was about to do that, she stared at me, cold as stone, so I was surprised when she called out to me.
No hi, no how are you, no how have you been. 'Do you know J is back for good?' she asked. I just nod my head and said yeah, then this caucasian guy friend of hers just butt in. 'She's tall,' he murmured while giving me a 'I hate you' look. 'Hi,' I said and rolled my eyes. In my head, I was murmuring back: 'Yes, I am tall and you are short... very short and you have bad breath too.' All right, that is mean but why should I bother giving someone a little respect when he doesn't bother to do so to anyone else. My friend look at him and shrugged her shoulders as if I was the one in the wrong for being who I am.
As I walked away, she took a long glance at me, sweeping her eyes from my head... to toes, as if she would find flowers growing out of my head, knives protruding out of my body or maybe a mermaid's tail instead of my feet. 'Did you see how she looked at you just now?' my friend gasped in surprise, not believing at the kind of rudeness I have just endured. I sighed and told her that there was no point getting angry over such people. Just because she was in some furry and fudgy coat, out with some short and pudgy caucasian guy, she think she is at the top of the world and looking down at the rest of us. I personally think her rudeness was worse than any words that could have been said and for that, she doesn't deserve her name - Lily.
No hi, no how are you, no how have you been. 'Do you know J is back for good?' she asked. I just nod my head and said yeah, then this caucasian guy friend of hers just butt in. 'She's tall,' he murmured while giving me a 'I hate you' look. 'Hi,' I said and rolled my eyes. In my head, I was murmuring back: 'Yes, I am tall and you are short... very short and you have bad breath too.' All right, that is mean but why should I bother giving someone a little respect when he doesn't bother to do so to anyone else. My friend look at him and shrugged her shoulders as if I was the one in the wrong for being who I am.
As I walked away, she took a long glance at me, sweeping her eyes from my head... to toes, as if she would find flowers growing out of my head, knives protruding out of my body or maybe a mermaid's tail instead of my feet. 'Did you see how she looked at you just now?' my friend gasped in surprise, not believing at the kind of rudeness I have just endured. I sighed and told her that there was no point getting angry over such people. Just because she was in some furry and fudgy coat, out with some short and pudgy caucasian guy, she think she is at the top of the world and looking down at the rest of us. I personally think her rudeness was worse than any words that could have been said and for that, she doesn't deserve her name - Lily.
kids are not meant to be used... but to be loved...
currently watching the maury show, it is a show which involves real lives, real situations, real babies, real drama... lotsa of drama. these real people are usually fighting over the fact of who fathered the child, thus the maury show 'helps' these families to find out the truth, and of course, one get to see all the fighting, arguing, bitching...etc on live tv. it is sad to see children being disregarded in such ways...
don't these people know that children are not meant to be objects, objects used to keep boyfriends from breaking up with them, husbands from straying... children are meant to be loved, meant to be brought into this world to bring joy and happiness into their parents' and siblings' lives. it is so sad to see girls trying to get pregnant in order to have their boyfriends to marry them or to see men denying their actions and their responsibilities. i do have friends that does such things, but who am i to judge them, people are propelled by emotions and sometimes it is hard to be logical i guess. but for whatever reasons, babies and children should never be used...
back to the show, i kind of like the host of the show, he did give some great advice and prove to be a fair judge with both sides and i was impressed when he told a man who had fathered a few kids with a few different women that he should 'put a cap on' since every child that comes takes away a part of his love for the rest, i was cheering for the host inside my head when he said that!
so... back to the show...!
don't these people know that children are not meant to be objects, objects used to keep boyfriends from breaking up with them, husbands from straying... children are meant to be loved, meant to be brought into this world to bring joy and happiness into their parents' and siblings' lives. it is so sad to see girls trying to get pregnant in order to have their boyfriends to marry them or to see men denying their actions and their responsibilities. i do have friends that does such things, but who am i to judge them, people are propelled by emotions and sometimes it is hard to be logical i guess. but for whatever reasons, babies and children should never be used...
back to the show, i kind of like the host of the show, he did give some great advice and prove to be a fair judge with both sides and i was impressed when he told a man who had fathered a few kids with a few different women that he should 'put a cap on' since every child that comes takes away a part of his love for the rest, i was cheering for the host inside my head when he said that!
so... back to the show...!
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