There are times when you start thinking about a matter and the more you think about it, the more the matter matters or the worse the problem becomes and you simply can't get it out of your mind, so you end up propped up in front of the screen, twenty-four hours on the internet, hoping to find some answers online, hoping that they are the ones you are looking for. That was what happened to me, I was worried about my test after much concern from family and friends... and it really made me scared when I thought "what if" came true.
With the tension building up, it was hard to wait another second, so I called in to the clinic even though I was in United States, as if I was surprise, I was given the silent treatment at the start of the call, even when I told the lady on the line that I was overseas... and to make the matter worse, she told me rudely that the blood test was sent to an external lab which will take around a week to send the results back, right, as if i was suppose to know that. I called in as the nurse who took my blood test told me that it would be back in three to four days time. I can understand that not all the staff at the clinic are trained nurse but is it so hard to find some humanity nowadays, is it so hard to place your self in the shoes of someone who had to take a blood test after an abnormal urine test, the agony of not knowing what oneself is suffering from, a terminal illness, a devastating disease which could easily rocked the boat in her/his calm life. Is is so hard to understand the relief of people when they find out that there are nothing wrong with themselves...
As I stayed awake in San Francisco hotel, I couldn't help but made another search on the symptoms of kidney failure or damage, and the more I read through the pages, the more I am able to match up to the symptoms. I know it seems ridiculous but when you are worried and mentally unable to function soundly, everything seems to be a blur. The protein, the back ache, the waking up in the middle of the night, the increase in frequency... that is like a match of three out of five symptoms, seems like I am on the losing end eh?
Lying in bed in defeat, I thought to myself about the clear day I had in San Francisco, I wasn't in a "Let's have fun and enjoy my day here" mood but neither did I want to stay cooped up in the room. What would I do if I didn't have a chance to be here again? Have a bowl of piping hot clam chowder, crispy and hot calamari and some gigantic crabs! That would be a fabulous idea to take things off my mind... okay, I am trying to convince myself that it is a fabulous idea... at least I am trying.
Then I started thinking, if I was to die soon, there are things to be settled, things to be put in place. I need to draw up a will making sure all my hard-earned money doesn't go to the government! Haha. I need to make sure that my parents are well-looked after, of course, my dear shetland sheepdog too. Things to say to all my friends, there will be so much letters and cards, "words" that are kept in a tightly sealed jar, finally getting to know "freedom of speech" *giggles. Well, to think of it, I should have done all these much earlier not only when it is needed, hmmm, I shall place these on my "must-do"list.
Enjoy this song, pals! Especially you, Joann =)
No comments:
Post a Comment