Have you ever had nights where sleep just seems to be impossible? And tried a thousand and one way to induce the sleeping mechanism, for example, trying to empty any brain cell that has any thoughts in it, spraying all kinds of lavender mist all over the room and pillows, drinking a glass of warm milk or some baileys with milk (that's my way... =p), taking another shower, going for a run, whatever that helps... Unfortunately so, I am having one such night and the feeling of not being able to fall asleep is dreadful... to the extent of horrible!
But I have an idea why I am losing sleep, reason one - I took a few naps since morning till evening, reason two - there are too many things on my mind, my brain cells are fully occupied with many thoughts, ideas, plans...etc, reason three - I feel dirty, all right, I know what's on your mind! I shower daily, at least thrice a day, but for some reason, if I feel that my hair is slightly oily or dirty in any way, I won't be able to fall asleep! It is a weird way of thinking I know but that's the way I am, I have to be perfectly clean before I can fall asleep soundly or comfortably. You wouldn't believe it if I told you that I would drag myself to wash up even when I was so high on alcohol or once... drunk, in that state of mind, it took quite an effort to do that, trust me.
But what's keeping me awake are thoughts and plans, thoughts that can't seem to settle down and plans that are not being carried out. I have been putting my life on hold, for what you may ask, for the fact that I haven't made u my mind about what I should do with this life of mine. I thought of teaching but peers and friends seem to laugh at that idea, simply because they cannot picture me as a teacher! Well, who cares, I am never one to be dissuaded by how people look or think of me. Do I love baking so much that I would make it into a career? Is it even practical? That thought actually brought me to do some research about the pastry schools in Paris, the path to becoming a Patissiere... maybe it is a dream after all.
Teaching... many would not know but I am actually quite good with kids, I wouldn't say I have a special talent or connection with kids but I am able to hit it off with most kids quite quickly if I want to... =) I remembered how my little cousins love to pile up on me and sit on me whenever I am around, but that is no longer playing, it was simply bullying the only older kid that was around... hah. I am confident that I would make a great teacher if I put my heart to it, but I am scared that I would make the wrong choices between primary, secondary or tertiary students... and of course, the acceptance by moe to become one. I know that the decision has to be made soon or my life would forever be on hold... and I hate it when I am not doing anything but just thinking and planning, I wanna be busy doing something, studying, volunteering, learning, dating, diving, hiking, traveling... doing things that will give me a reason of existence...
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