Do I Know What I want?

I know what I want...
I think I know what I want...
I have an idea what I want...
Is that what I want...
I think maybe... that is what I want...
I have no idea what I want...

This is what I have become, in the midst of trying to change a job, trying to change how I live my life, trying to fit different things and people into my life. I have lost my direction! My compass seems to swing wildly in all directions, moving hesitatingly towards any new direction. I wonder at the reasons that have brought me to the the state of mind today. Nothing has changed for me, maybe the no change has brought about this confusion.

I know I am searching for something, but exactly what is that, I can't put it in words. I know what some people might say, they would tell me right in the face that I am searching for the right man, someone to start my life with or get married to. But these people would be wrong... I am searching for something else, something that can calm my heart of the confusion, something that make my life worth living or in greater words: the reason of my existence. I am not saying that finding someone to share my life with is not part of the search, it plays a part, a role in this project of mine but it does not conquer or overtake the rest. What is the rest one may ask, I am searching for the answer too and I am anxious to find it.

What I need now at this moment is an unplanned getaway, straight to the airport with no plans, pick a destination and off I go! Do I have the guts to do that? I will find out... =)