Letting it all out

Yesterday, I let it all out but something tells me that the person is not listening to me or he was busy with something else. Well, maybe it was hard for him to comment since his status has changed and it involves someone close to his heart now. 

Frankly, although I did say I hate the idea that they are together but I didn't meant it literally, it was the process of how and when the news was broken to me that made me pissed off and disappointed. And while feeling deceived and disappointed, it felt as if they were building their happiness on my misery. 

Why was I miserable? It just hit me right in the face and I didn't had enough time to open up an umbrella or use a pillow to shield myself from the impact. The impact wasn't the worst, what made it scary was that I was confiding in this person for the last two months about everything before I cut her off entirely. Everything... including what I thought, what I felt and my opinions and comments about this friend of mine. She listened to everything I said, feeling what I felt, just like always, but her status quo was different, she already had feelings for my friend. And I wasn't aware, it was not as if I would confide in her less just because she was with my friend, which I would find it impossible as I practically kept nothing from her since she was someone so close... so close to my heart. But just not knowing at that point of time that they were together gave me a feeling of being deceived or used. 

It was as if I was like an open book, more like a journal with a past, sharing the histories of the journal but never getting the pages filled with words again.

When he told me that she was hurt and crying. I asked him, what about me, would I be laughing and smiling as if my world still spins in a full circle. I told him that when she was hurt, she had him to comfort her, I was hurt doubly, who do I have to turn to?

When it first happened, I cried to sleep and woke up crying. Everyday was a struggle. It still is, everyday is a struggle, memories of her would bring tears. How did a friendship with a foundation as solid as concrete become shattered into rubbles? Because you cut it with a diamond...